Christina Rose
Unspoken Tears
My life has finally come to a standstill...
I cannot find a direction, a purpose or a reason for why I am here...
I sit here thinking, searching and wondering....
Why is it that I cannot put my finger on any one event in time...
Deep within my heart and soul I find emptiness...
I can be surrounded by true friends and, yet, feel ever so alone...
Is there a button that can be pushed to bring out feelings of happiness, togetherness, fulfillment and joy...
Always struggling to fit in even when I know that I am all that I can be and am accepted by many...
Can a childhood that could even scare God hinder my future to such extremes...
I know that somewhere in this scarred heart there is love to be given and I have felt it a few times...
So many have tried to get close to me and I have found myself running like a child afraid of the dark...
What is it that I fear...
It may be true love that I have never grasped at any given moment in time or held onto without losing it to the great evader known as FEAR...
I know who I am, what I am and what it is that I can be...
Still, I merely give part of me, only to reel it back in when I feel threatened...
There are many days and nights when warm, gentle tears roll down my cheeks...
They are Unspoken Tears that have softly trickled into a pool of loneliness and dismay...
Tears that do not need words or an explanation, for only those who truly know me can understand their meaning...
Even after all that has been done and has yet to be done, I find some hope, a flicker of light that, with true love and nuturing, can be ignited into a great flame of LOVE and LIFE...
Until this time comes, I shall remain within myself and give what I have experienced to others in hopes that I can help them find their path to happiness safely...
I am not ashamed of what I have entailed or faced in my life, nor would I change any of it, for ALL of it has made me who I am today.
**I find it hard at times to share what I have been through with others. I do not look for sympathy but only understanding. I pray that that it will shed some light on someone's life and let them know that there is always hope and a new beginning in life. Do not let it become your END. I have chosen to love and not hate. Life is what you make it, so make it your BEST! Love to all that have given me the strength and courage to face everyday and to make life what I would like it to be. Warm HUGS